Unsure of what to do or say when her son came out to her as gay, a woman called a gay bar in Gulfport, Mississippi, on January 19 and asked the bartender on duty there for advice.
Bartender Kara Coley took to Facebook to relay the surreal experience which has since been highlighted by various media outlets internationally.
In keeping with our ongoing series on the issues affecting this country's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Intersex and Asexual (LGBTQIA) community, the Sunday Guardian reached out to the Silver Lining Foundation (SLF) so parents or guardian placed in a similar situation would not have to resort to such an unorthodox means of getting help.
"We say to parents 'it’s not a phase nor a choice, and it’s not your fault, don’t be afraid, the only thing your child needs from you is the reassurance that you love them unconditionally'," SLF's administrative officer Kennedy Maraj stated.
"When your child 'comes-out', while it may be heartbreaking news to you, understand that this is also a difficult moment in your child’s life and he/she will need your love and support. Your love will help them to reach their fullest potential as they confront the bullies, discrimination and heartbreaks they may face in life," he stated.
Maraj said SLF also has trained counsellors attached to its “Stronger Families” project that are available for support.
SLF is a non-profit organisation that was formed in 2012 in response to the tragic suicide of a secondary school student in T&T who was an apparent victim of bullying because of his perceived sexuality.
"This tragedy sparked a burning desire from youths across the nation who became motivated to bring awareness and advocate for the prevention of bullying, suicide and discrimination that’s primarily geared towards LGBTQIA youths," Maraj stated.
SLF therefore set out on a mission "to create an environment conducive to respect and self-acceptance, and to provide a support system for marginalized youth regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression, leading to a sustainable and functional life".
Since its inception parents and guardians and children have approached the organisation for assistance, Maraj stated.
"Parents and children have approached us on many issues detailing their personal struggles with incidents of bullying, threats, harassment and violence that stem from the rampant homophobia and discrimination against LGBTQ persons," Maraj stated.
"Kids have shared their fears of being 'outed' by their peers, concerns over family rejection and abandonment, forced into unwanted marriages and overall issues of personal safety. Parents have reported their struggles to accept their child’s sexuality, fearing rejection from extended family members, neighbours and religious leaders, or they have been overwhelmed by worry and concern for their child’s safety with respect to bullying, violence and discrimination."
Maraj said SLP ensures that they let young people who identify as LGBTQIA know that they are "perfect" just the way they are.
"We will tell anyone who identifies as LGBTQIA to 'never let anyone devalue your worth or existence and always remember that you are perfect just the way you are'," he stated.
"There are many persons, unknown to you right now, who are advocating for your rights and protection and who will love you for who are and not what society expects you to be. Stay strong, it does get better and you are not alone,” Maraj stated.
You can reach Silver Lining at 470-1967 or thesilverliningfoundation@gmail.com
'Calls for more equality, wider acceptance falls on deaf ears'
In this vein, SLP took issue with comments made by Pastor Phillip Lee of His Way Out Ministries in this newspaper last week where he stated that his church has “a mandate and calling to bring understanding to the confusing issue of homosexuality".
SLF's Executive Director Jeremy Steffan Edwards said Lee was promoting "conversion or reparative therapy".
"Research has shown that conversion therapy may lead to depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, self-hatred, substance abuse and suicide," Edwards sadi, hence it is being banned and outlawed in various countries.
Maraj said the main challenge facing SLF in achieving its mandate is that homophobia is being reinforced by religious doctrine and hyper masculinity.
He said a 2013, study by UNAIDS/CADRES on the attitudes towards homosexuals in T&T showed that 56% of the population were either “accepting” or “tolerant” of homosexuals and 78 per cent said that people should not be discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation.
"So this clearly amplifies where the country stands on the issue however, religious doctrine, cultural accepted norms of hyper masculinity and legal precedents have reinforced homophobia and discrimination which curtail the level of public support from straight allies, and especially from public persons of authority and influence," Maraj stated.
"When we don’t have their visible support most of our calls for more equality, wider acceptance and greater diversity usually falls on deaf ears."
Maraj said despite the challenges SLF has persisted in its charge for greater equality through many of its initiatives.
"We have commissioned the first comprehensive baseline study on school based violence and bullying which will identify the institutionalized systems that reinforces a culture of violence, homophobia and discrimination. Further to this, we have launched the Caribbean’s first safe space psychosocial support group for LGBTQIA youths and have expanded this initiative to parents and guardians of LGBTQIA kids through our “Stronger Families” project. Both initiatives have greatly assisted many youths and parents through the difficult struggles when confronting issues relating to sexuality and gender expression," he said.