Women’s rights activist Diana Mahabir-Wyatt is warning women to be cautions of men who beat them and then come bearing gifts, as it will be only a matter of time before the abuse resumes.
She made the comments after wife of Central businessman, Sheron Sukhdeo, publicly spoke about her decision to refuse to testify against him, for assaulting her on two occasions earlier this year.
Rachael Sukhdeo said when she first highlighted the incident she was “completely frustrated, hurt, depressed and devastated,” but did not wish for her husband to be charged by police.
While she admitted to being attacked by her husband on several occasions during their more than 15-years of marriage—over allegations of his alleged infidelity—she however, deemed him as a committed and loving father.
She also said since being charged her husband had completely changed his attitude towards her and is no longer abusive, even bringing her flowers and rubbing her feet.
But Mahabir-Wyatt said this was referred to as the “honeymoon phase” as domestic violence often occurred in cycles.
She said once a charge was laid it was not up to the person to withdraw it.
“This should not be up to the victim because this is the honeymoon phase. First there is the violent incident, then there is the honeymoon phase which is, ‘I am so sorry darling I didn’t mean it...I will never do it again...I was drunk or whatever.”
Mahabir-Wyatt said then within a period of about six to eight months—depending on the relationship—tension would rebuild, which is the third phase of domestic violence.
“Then you get right back to the violent incidents and then the cycle starts again,” she added.
Asked whether Sukhdeo may be in a state of denial, she said all women want to believe they are loved by their husbands.
“And all women want to believe that their husbands would never be violent towards them and she wants him to love her, that’s all,” Mahabir-Wyatt added.
On what advice she would give to women in similar circumstances Mahabir-Wyatt said they ought to be aware.
“If that cycle is part of your lifestyle then be aware it is going to happen again,” she said .
But she said there were some men who had genuinely changed for the better.
Case dropped
When contacted, one of the investigators said it was difficult to proceed with the matter since the wife was the only witness.
He said if the alleged beating happened in a public space, then there could have been independent witnesses the police could have relied on.
“But since it reportedly happened behind closed doors and the wife was the only one to come forward to testify, it is now very likely that the matter cannot be continued since she has refused to do so,” he said.
Protection orders filed annually
More than 18,000 applications are made for protection orders annually, former head of the T&T Police Service’s Victim and Witness Support Unit, Margaret Sampson-Browne said.
But this figure could be higher, she said, as there was no central database as yet to collate this information. This she said was soon to come on stream as she sat on a committee recently during which recommendations were put forward including how such data affected policies, court responses and safe homes.
The protection order, however, she said worked in many instances but some led to death.
In instances where it has worked, she said it brought a level of consciousness to the perpetrator that domestic violence was wrong.
“In those cases it acted as a wake up call that if the beatings do not stop jail is next. But in those cases where the order did not work these perpetrators either beat the women even more or actually kill them,” Margaret Sampson-Browne said.
Attorney and social activist Lynett Seebaran-Suite, chairman of the group Advocates for Safe Parenthood: Improving Reproductive Equity (ASPIRE), said women were dying gruesome and violent deaths at the hands of their partners although they took out protection orders.
She had also called for support for survivors and urged that all factors including shelters, hotlines, counselling services, social services and a social welfare network be well-resourced.
On the reasons women choose to stay in domestic violence situations Sampson-Browne said often-times it was complicated.
“There are many reasons why women stay and why they go back because it is really that emotional threat that makes people make those decisions, and that emotional threat is invisible so when they make a decision it is based on emotions,” Margaret Sampson-Browne added.
Also urging that their be greater support systems for women, Sampson-Brown said a strong family base was also critical to assist battered women mend their lives back together.
“So while that emotional threat is difficult to deal with women must also be strong enough to make proper decisions and they must also be empowered.
“You need to look at the abuser also...did that person go for anger management, is it safe for her and the children and who is going to monitor that situation?” Margaret Sampson-Browne said.
She said while the police had no choice but to drop the case because the wife was now refusing to testify, Sampson-Brown said in developed countries this would not happen.
“In other countries once the report is made and the police sees the injuries, or if the police responds to a domestic violence situation and it is committed within their view they can go ahead and prosecute,” Sampson-Browne said.